Supporting Catholic women emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Week 3 Advent Reflection: Joy That Doesn’t Depend on Circumstances
As we enter the third week of Advent through Gaudete Sunday, we’re invited to meditate on joy.
Not the fleeting emotion of happiness… but the deeper, steadier, God-rooted joy that can coexist with exhaustion, disappointment, or even pain and suffering.
This is the kind of joy the Church means when she calls it a Fruit of the Spirit.
A Fruit of the Spirit is something that grows naturally when our lives participate in God’s will, like branches connected to the Vine.
This comes from Scripture:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23
And it’s this kind of joy that makes room for peace in seasons where our emotions might feel like anything but joyful.
A Story From My Week: When Joy Was Stronger Than My Feelings
Last week, I was having a really hard day with the babies.
They were grumpy. I was tired. Work was piling up. And I couldn’t do anything I wanted to get done.
(If you’ve been in this season of motherhood — you know.)
I caught myself thinking:
“Why are my babies so needy? Other people somehow work with babies at home!”
And right away, I recognized it: An unhelpful thought fueled by frustration, exhaustion, and my own selfish desires.
But here’s where God met me.
Even though the day wasn’t happy… Even though my emotions were telling me, “I’m overwhelmed, I need support, I need a break”…
I suddenly felt a profound sense of joy wash over me as I repeated a phrase in my mind that I've adopted this year:
"I'm right where I'm supposed to be."
Because I know that what I’m working on behind the scenes (a big online conference for Catholic women who struggle with people-pleasing!) is something God wants me to do.
And boy oh boy, I have been spending hours upon hours each week to make sure it's a beautiful experience for both speakers and attendees.
So, of course I feel the pressure to get things done for it, even when I'm supposed to be present with my boys at home.
But, when we live inside His will, He gives us everything we need to carry it out.
Every little sliver of time we give Him, He returns tenfold.
This is true for prayer, finances, everything else too by the way.
Even when everything else around us is messy, chaotic, or exhausting.
So in this moment, my circumstances didn’t change. But my spiritual orientation did.
And because it did, I was able to slow down, be present in the moment right there in front of me, and remember: "I'm right where I'm supposed to be."
That’s TRUE joy.
The Psychological Perspective: Joy vs. Happiness
From an Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) lens:
- Happiness is an emotion — a short-term state that comes and goes.
- Joy is a meaning-based emotion — an inner orientation that tells us we’re aligned with our deepest values and needs.
Joy is not always bubbly and thrilling. And it’s also not incompatible with tough emotions.
In fact, joy often coexists with frustration, sadness, and overwhelm.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and EFT both teach that all emotions serve a purpose by pointing to underlying needs:
- Frustration → I need support, rest, or structure.
- Sadness → I need connection, comfort, or time to process.
- Anxiety → I need safety, clarity, or reassurance.
- Joy → I am connected to meaning, purpose, and alignment.
In other words:
Joy doesn't eliminate difficult emotions.
It anchors us so the difficult emotions don’t become our identity.
Joy deepens our capacity to experience reality without being consumed by it.
The Theological Perspective: Joy as a Fruit of the Spirit
The Catechism speaks about joy as something that flows from faith, hope, trust, and participation in the life of God:
“The fruits of the Spirit are perfections that the Holy Spirit forms in us as the first fruits of eternal glory… charity, joy, peace…”
(CCC 1832)
True Christian joy is:
- rooted in God rather than circumstances
- sustained by grace rather than emotion
- born from surrender rather than certainty
- available in suffering rather than being dependent on relief
- a taste of Heaven, present even in earthly trials
This is why joy increases when we are living aligned with God’s will. It’s the fruit of saying yes to Him in the ordinary, hidden places of our lives.
It’s a foretaste of the joy that permeates Heaven, the joy we were ultimately made for.
Where Joy Meets Real Life
Joy is the softening of the heart when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed.
It’s the strength you feel when things are still hard, but you know God is carrying you through.
It’s the gentle shift in thinking reminding us:
“There is meaning in what I'm doing right here, right now. Even in pain and uncomfortable feelings.”
Joy gives us spiritual stability. It lowers the intensity of difficult emotions.
Joy opens our eyes to the small gifts hidden in daily life, tiny sparks of Heaven that we often overlook.
Reflection Prompts for Week 3
Take a few minutes today and sit with 1-2 of these:
- Where have I recently felt joy, not happiness, but joy that came from knowing I was aligned with God’s will?
- What emotions am I experiencing right now, and what needs are they pointing me toward?
- Where might God be inviting me to surrender so that His joy can take root more deeply in me?
- What small, ordinary joys do I overlook that might actually be invitations into the joy of Heaven?
If People-Pleasing is Stealing Your Joy This Season…
- If your emotions often depend on how others feel…
- If you can’t rest unless everyone else is happy…
- If your desire to be good, helpful, and loving leaves you drained…
Then I’d love to invite you to join the waitlist for my upcoming virtual summit for Catholic women who struggle with people-pleasing.
It’s going to be deeply healing, spiritually grounded, psychologically rich, and full of practical tools to start saying "no" to people-pleasing, so that you can say "yes" to God and your own needs.
By joining the waitlist, you’ll be the first to get all of the details! We're lining up some pretty amazing talks as I write this and I'm sooo excited!!
May the joy of Christ meet you exactly where you are this week.
Blessings,
Samantha Stefaniak, LMHC
Founder & Coach
Rooted Soul, Grounded Mind
