Supporting Catholic women emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
A quick reminder: You’re receiving these emails because you signed up for something I offered for free or purchased one of my products. Everything I create is designed to help you find more peace and more fully enjoy your one precious life, through practical psychological tools integrated with our beautiful Catholic faith. I’m so glad you’re here!
Last week, I walked away from a conversation feeling really angry.
I’d been talking with someone I respect about an opportunity to work together. Someone who provides a valuable service and whose help could be really beneficial to me.
And yet… I left feeling defensive, misunderstood, and ready to decide the whole thing wasn’t for me.
Part of me was thinking: “I shouldn’t have to prove myself AGAIN.”
I’ve put so much time, money, education, and heart into helping people over an entire decade. So when I feel like my qualifications or judgment are being questioned, it can hit a place inside of me that feels annoyed.
But, I've been doing this kind of work for so long now that I ALSO realized...
I need to slowww down. I needed to pause, journal out all of my thoughts, try my best to see all of the layers behind the strong feelings that arose in that moment.
I needed to understand what was happening within ME before deciding what to do next.
As I slowed down and started sorting through my thoughts, I recognized a familiar tendency I fell back into.
During the conversation, I’d begun agreeing outwardly before I’d actually decided whether I agreed inwardly.
That old habit of accommodating someone to avoid tension had slipped in. We call this "fawning" in the psychology world.
Then afterward, I was angry.
There was something important in that anger though.
I needed to go back and take a hard look at exactly what I was being asked to agree to.
When we "fawn," we often over-agree, over-apologize, and suppress our own opinions. And for good reason (at least our brains believe it to be in the moment) because we don't want to disturb the peace or deal with the uncomfortableness of a disagreement.
This anger was prompting me to slow down and re-evaluate:
What did I actually believe? What feedback was useful? What changes could I stand behind—and what had I accepted simply because someone else said I should?
I've been doing this work long enough that I knew those questions deserved my attention and intentional reflection before making my next decision.
But there was another part, too.
The part that wanted my experience to speak for itself.
That didn’t want to explain, demonstrate, or have someone evaluate whether I was qualified.
The part that wanted to be understood without having to risk being questioned.
Growing up, I often felt I had to defend my beliefs and prove myself to get what I needed. I could recognize how this conversation had touched that old hurt.
And I could also recognize pride in the response I was tempted to choose.
You see... We all know pride is a sin.
But, did you know pride often shows up when something actually touches an old inner wound?
Understanding where a reaction comes from is really important. The urge to protect myself was there for a reason.
But, this insight alone also doesn’t mean every action it urges me toward is wise and holy.
Two things were true: I needed to honor my own judgment, AND I needed to remain willing to receive feedback.
If I’d focused only on keeping the peace, I might have agreed to things I didn’t believe.
If I’d treated my anger as proof that I should walk away, I would have missed an incredible opportunity to partner with someone I respect and receive help I genuinely need.
Slowing down gave me room to consider the opportunity on its actual merits.
That’s something I keep coming back to in this work that I do:
Greater peace asks us to become curious about why we feel what we feel and think what we think—before we act on it.
Sometimes the next faithful step involves a difficult conversation. Sometimes it involves accepting a correction. Sometimes it means holding a boundary while allowing someone to see things differently.
A lot of times, it's holding space for both.
Choosing the easiest or most enjoyable thing won’t always lead us there. Neither will automatically choosing the hardest thing.
We need room to discern by creating room for our feelings, slowing down to sort through out thoughts, and consulting Scripture and the Lord to help us make the next faithful decision.
Most of us just haven't been taught how to do that yet.
It's not something I ever grew up doing! I was taught how by those who figured out how to do the same. Their lives bore fruit that I deeply wanted in my own life.
And now I help others learn how to do this, too.
If you want to learn the same practical skills I return to in my own life, I’d love to invite you into Rooted & Grounded in Love.
On Sunday, November 1, we’re beginning our 90-Day Guided Journey to More of God’s Peace together.
Through teaching, reflection, practical exercises, and encouragement, we’ll practice understanding our thoughts and emotions, considering what needs our attention, and bringing those discoveries into our everyday choices and life with God.
Inside, I teach the same exact strategies I used to walk myself through my own thoughts and feelings last week.
And by doing so, it gave me the space I needed to respond with wisdom.
You’ll have space to learn—and other Catholic women practicing alongside you.
I’m grateful I took the time to listen more carefully to my anger last week.
It pointed me toward something I really did need to address.
Taking time to sort through it helped me see a possibility I’d nearly closed the door on and an opportunity to grow in virtue, while also appropriately discerning how to stay true to my own beliefs and values.
And you can learn to do the same inside Rooted & Grounded in Love. Join us!
Blessings,
